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FOR JOHN SMITH AND JANE DOE

by Brian Habit

HOUSE TRANSPOSITIONS

Now let's look at how planets from your birth chart activate particular houses in Jane’s chart, and vice versa.

Your Sun lies in Jane’s 5th house, and Jane’s Ascendant and Pluto occupy your 5th house. With your planets in each other’s house of childlike self-expression and spontaneous, playful behavior, you stand to bring out the most childlike and/or childish side in each other.

Avoid acting egocentric, or bratty, or narcissistic around each other, and avoid encouraging this in each other. Encourage each other’s childlike spontaneity, but don’t encourage each other to run amok by constantly demanding constant attention or insisting on instant gratification. If either of you tries to keep life fun all the time, as if you were trying to keep things like they might have been in a first-blush falling-in-love period, then the other person should let him or her down gently. It won’t help either of you for you to try to be a never-ending idyllic amusement park for each other. With your Sun in Jane’s 5th house, you could also try to upstage her or call the shots for how she goes about having a good time or expressing herself creatively, so be careful about that. And with her Ascendant and Pluto in your 5th house, she could provoke you into making yourself look like bad. She could play the bully herself or “rattle your chain” by laying bare your most troubled feelings related to the idea of experiencing pleasure in your life.

At best, you can help each other let your hair down and kick up your heels. You can help bring out each other’s creativity, and you can make live more fun for each other, so do that. You could revitalize, encourage, and fire up Jane’s creative self-expression. Jane could help uncover your deepest passions and fire, buried under layers of past abuse, or neglect, or betrayal. She could help you play or be creative in ways that help other people do some important healing in their lives. She stands to encourage you to act with more verve or style. You stand to help each other laugh and act with originality, so help make each other smile. Help each other feel romantic. Try to enjoy your time together.

Both your Moon and Saturn lie in Jane’s 11th house. Whether or not you ask Jane questions about her goals for her life, she’ll find herself thinking about them by virtue of interacting with you. Where does she see her life going in the next so-many years? How does she plan to get from here to there? Which individuals, or groups, or movements can help her do it…and which ones could hold her back or sidetrack her, along the way? By being in Jane’s life, you prompt her to make choices about her future, even if what she chooses is not to choose. If she wants, she could put her life on hold, drift through life, or procrastinate about getting down to accomplishing what she says is important. But if she doesn’t set any goals, or if she lets you make decisions for her that she herself should be making about her life, then you’ll probably help clutter her life with people who hold her back or get her off track.

You could help Jane define her goals and strategize how to accomplish them. You could help her hook up with like-minded people, with groups who could help her achieve her goals, so encourage her to think and talk about such matters. With your Moon and Saturn in her 11th house, you could become a smothering wet blanket, bringing her down by acting as if you know what’s best for her, rather than helping her act with realism and determination to accomplish her goals. You could also help her find the discipline necessary to realize the sort of future that she wants without doing that. You could be a comforting, emotionally sustaining force in her life, but you’ll need to exercise some self-restraint to do it. Don’t talk at her. Listen to what she has to say about the direction that she wants to take. Jane should talk about her future and get your take on some ideas for goals and strategies, but she needs to take responsibility—and assert her prerogative—to make the ultimate decisions herself.

For your part, do some of your own thinking about where you do or don’t see yourself as fitting in with Jane’s future. For example, can you both pursue goals that are meaningful to you and support Jane in pursuing her own goals? And how about the individuals or groups that she associates with? Do they tie up your life in unproductive or unhealthy ways, or do they play a more neutral or positive role in your life?

Jane’s Sun and Venus (which is relatively prominent in her chart) lie in your 9th house, and your Ascendant occupies Jane’s 9th house. Given that you activate each other’s 9th house, expect for your values and philosophical outlooks to be called into question by each other’s presence. You stand to broaden each other’s horizons: spiritually,… intellectually, … geographically. You offer each other the chance to get out of your everyday routines, to get a fresh perspective and recapture a sense of wonder about life. As two “students of life,” you can share lots of stimulating and valuable experiences with each other. You can go new places together, literally or figuratively speaking. And with Jane’s Venus in your 9th house, you in particular could enjoy yourself more than you expect that you will by stretching in new directions.

The more open you both are to considering questions like “What do I really believe in?", “ Why do I get out of bed every day?” and “What’s my purpose in being on this planet?”, the easier it will be for you to benefit from these 9th-house connections. Directly or indirectly, you stand to challenge each other’s comfortable ways, so if you don’t want to have a lot of peace and quiet and stay in your comfort zones, then you could find each other aggravating. If either of you is set in your ways when it comes to looking for a sense of meaning and purpose in your lives, then you could find it irksome to be around each other. If either of you doesn’t trust the other, then you’re likely to feel defensive and act defensive, rather than opening yourself up to having your horizons expanded.

In Jane’s case, she should be careful not to try to “sneak one by you,” by charming you into betraying values that you hold dear. Both of you should avoid being overbearing, insisting that your respective principles or ethics are the better ones. Don’t try to pontificate or play cult leader to each other. Likewise, don’t let yourselves be bullied or brainwashed either. They’re still your own respective values and philosophical beliefs to determine, not anyone else’s, in the end. But do try to truly consider each other’s ideas, rather than shooting them down right away.

Jane’s Moon and Uranus falls in your 6th house, and your Venus lies in Jane’s 6th house. Given your 6th-house connections, you should expect to ask yourselves questions like “How can I contribute?”, “What can I do well?”,  and “Am I recognized for what I do well?” once you are in each other’s life. Plan to come up with some solid answers to these questions. You stand to help each other master skills that you each find personally meaningful, so aim to build each other up rather than tear each other down. Help each other out in terms of being competent and acting responsibly.

Think about which sorts of skills you want to develop (which ones you find meaningful enough to commit to). Communicate this to each other, and heed what you hear from each other. In other words, don’t let Jane railroad you into trying to measure up to her standards in areas that are just not a priority to you, and don’t pressure Jane to do this either. She should also be careful not to act so willfully or self-indulgently that she tramples over your need for some structure and stability in your life.

Within the scope of your respective priorities, give each other practical help or mentoring to learn useful skills. Help each other feel confident about what you do well by affirming that. Help each other understand which of your skills could use some improving. You’re bound to be better at some things than Jane is and vice versa, but that doesn’t mean you should wield it like a club over each other. Don’t shoot each other down for being so imperfect, even though you both have human flaws. Make sure that, if you offer criticism, you offer constructive criticism. If you make suggestions for how to do something better, be sure to also comment on relative strengths, too. To include one without the other gives a person a distorted sense of how he or she is doing.

Don’t insult or demoralize each other. If you do that, then you risk getting into games of passive-aggressive behavior. That’s one way that you could get back at each other for being so cruel, but doing so would weaken your relationship, not strengthen it. Share the work that’s involved in keeping a relationship going. Do your fair share of it. Don’t exploit each other or act as a crutch for each other. Don’t let yourselves get into a situation of trying to earn love from each other, and don’t bog each other down with demeaning responsibilities. For example, if you live together, work out some division of labor that will be acceptable to both of you. In your case, if you aren’t willing to take on some responsibility that Jane has in mind for you, be up front about it. Don’t try to skirt the issue. And if you want her to do something on your behalf, don’t try to “worm” it out of her. Ask for it directly. Taking these steps will help you keep from building up resentment toward each other.  

Your Jupiter, which is relatively prominent in your chart, occupies Jane’s 8th house. In order to heal old wounds and work through powerful feelings from past experiences, we have to first identify what we’re feeling. We have to bring our deepest, darkest fears out into the light of day. It’s only then that we can do something about them. The more we leave them in the dark, the more they snowball and develop a life of their own, controlling us and driving us to act in unhealthy ways. Doing such psychological housecleaning can be scary and draining, but sometimes the only way out of our pain is through it. The more we do it, the better a position we’re in to become really close to someone else.

By interacting with you, Jane will tend to bump into what lies in her psyche. She’ll find such matters coming up with you in her life, so she needs to prepare herself for this happening. It’s up to her to decide how to react to that and how to react to you. If you choose, you can help Jane do such cleaning and healing. With your Jupiter in her 8th house, you can encourage her to look within, in effect saying, “It’s not so bad. You can do it. It’ll make your life better. It can be liberating.” You can help her understand herself better. You can help her become stronger and develop her capacity for intimacy more fully. But for her to take advantage of it, she’ll have to be willing to take a serious look into her “anxiety closet” and acknowledge whatever she sees there. That means accepting what she’s feeling, owning up to what motivates her, getting a solid handle on her instinctive drives.

Even though you could play a quasi-psychologist role for Jane, be sure that you don’t terrorize her with whatever you observe about how she operates psychologically. Treat her gently, rather than tearing away any behaviors or attitudes that help her function, regardless of any moods or anxieties that she might be experiencing. Don’t let your friendship or romantic relationship slide into a psychotherapist-client relationship. You’re not her shrink, and she’s not your client. Jupiter can easily get ahead of himself. Given that your Jupiter activates Jane’s 8th house, also be careful not to blithely encourage her to look at her feelings and talk about them at such a pace that she feels like she’s “in over her head.”  

As with your Jupiter in Jane’s 8th house, she should expect for you to stir up deep emotional stuff given that your Mercury and Mars fall in Jane’s 4th house. You’re likely to bring up old family-of-origin issues for Jane, to bring up sensitive spots at the very root of her being. With you acting as a foil or a catalyst for the process, she could find herself replaying or consciously reexamining old family dramas. You have the potential to help her become more conscious of what’s going on in the here-and-now, to distinguish between you and her, on one hand, and her and her mother, or her father, or someone else from her family, on the other hand. And becoming more conscious of how unhealthy old patterns have a ripple effect in the present can help Jane change them.

For Jane, this can be a nerve-wracking or spooky dimension of your relationship with each other, but just because something is emotionally challenging, that doesn’t mean that it’s not worth experiencing. You can play an important, positive role in her life, by helping her reconnect to her more tender feelings. You also have the potential to help her find her “voice,” to speak more assertively or directly, in dealing with her family or anyone who lives (or used to live) under the same roof with you. Of course, if the two of you share a home, this group would include you, too. You can help Jane feel like she has a physical or emotional haven in life’s stormier moments, but to do it, you’ll need to act with some emotional self-restraint. Even if Jane unconsciously treats you as if you were someone from her childhood, for example, that doesn’t mean that you should take the bait. Don’t fall into that trap. Gently but firmly help her put down such old “scripts.” Be careful not to fluster her, though, by throwing too many words her way, and try to be patient, if she doesn’t make headway on this front as quickly as you would like.   

Jane’s Mars lies in your 3rd house. This harks back to the connections that her planets have to your 9th house of horizon-expanding experiences, values, and philosophy of life. The 3rd house, like the 9th house, pertains to intellectual activity, but here’s it’s “closer to the ground,” rather than being at the level of higher thought or overarching belief systems. The 3rd house represents that mental map of the world that you carry around in your head and the loop of communication between you and your immediate environment: the way that you filter data, take it in, process it, and turn it outward again as communication of information, ideas or opinions. The 3rd house is the house of preconceptions and attitudes.

With Jane energizing your 3rd house, life’s likely to be anything but dull. Jane has the potential to enliven your routine life, to stimulate and stir up your learning, traveling, communicating, and general moving about. She could help you think and communicate in bolder, more daring or pioneering ways. You can expect to have some energetic conversations with each other, but that doesn’t mean that they have to become heated or blistering. If she tries to come on too strongly, you could feel like you’re under fire or about to be steamrolled. If you look at matters with a closed mind, Jane could become quite irritated if not enraged. But if you loosen up enough to look at “the facts” with an open mind, and if Jane respects your right to draw your own conclusions, then you could have a more interesting life. Sometimes you’ll simply need to agree to disagree when you look at the same data and draw different conclusions based on it, in order to get along.